Kids taking care of their parents? Maybe the title should be: The confession of a son.
I googled adult children taken care of their parents. That was interesting for sure. I had never done any research on children taking care of their aged parents. (Of course as a pastor/teacher/son I realize there are biblical principles, but it is principles and needs to be fleshed out in reality). So do not get biblical on me.
Becoming 'parent of your parent' an emotionally wrenching process.
I just haven't taken the time to review all this about parents. In my mind, Mom was able to take care of herself, and I just didn't give it much thought really. I believed she was in good hands and just let it go at that. I was acting as I had all my life with Mom. Why all of a sudden would I start doing things differently? I have never been involved in any decisions Mom has made nor in any decisions made for her. I am not saying it was okay, but it is what is is.
There is no way to really know, unless you go through it. I am not sure I really understood this whole matter. And even in the process of Charity and I and Debbie and Rob with Lenora That last year of Lenora life was an experience. We were at their house everyday for a year. Now
I admit Charity and Debbie did all the work. I just was there most of the time. I was never really connected with Lenora, but I did get a little attached in the end.
I admit Charity and Debbie did all the work. I just was there most of the time. I was never really connected with Lenora, but I did get a little attached in the end.
The difference was that the three kids were working together because they were here where she lived. And I admit they worked well together, for the first time.
Also, Bob had all the means to take care of all the financial needs of Lenora. Therefore, we didn't have any expense, except the gasoline, and a few other things. So again, in my mind was they were well taken care of.
Even now Bob is well taken care of.
Charity and Debbie and Rob really never got along really well until Lenora was dying. Even now it's not great, good but not great. Kids sometime don't get along very well, until one of their parents is dying and they come together as a team and work well together. That is the hope you have. Nevertheless, it would have been different, I believe, if we three were not within living distance. Well maybe.
As I was reading some of the articles on this subject of taking care of our parents, I found it interesting to say the least.
How you flesh out biblically "honor your parents" and how you live up to what some people say you should, is interesting as well. The problem is, it's a lifestyle that you have with your parents from the time you are born. You honor your parents as a youth and as a teen, and then as an adult.
Our culture today, is not like the days in the past. Children and parents lived together, we are in a whole other world as to the lifestyle of living. We lived close together in the other world. Today families live all over the country. It's good that some families live together. Often one family member will live near the parents, and it seems it falls on that member to take care of their parents.
I certainly didn't think about changing my behavior toward Mom after dad died. I certainly didn't think about Mom any differently when I went to college, or was married, or as we moved on in our life. And it's been that way as long as I remember. I really didn't do a study on the subject of children's responsibility toward their parents in their older years.
While I worked in the Nursing Home for 16 years, you do get a perspective on the subject. But for some reason, it never occurred to me about MOM. I just believed Mom was well able to take care of herself, and I did what I have always acted. Believing it was okay I just kept doing what I was doing.
I can't remember ever writing a letter to Mom, I would send a birthday card, a Mother's Day card, a Christmas card. I would call on occasion. I always felt she was okay in living her life. For
a while Mom and I lived in the same area. For a while she played the piano for us at the church I pastored for three years. Then she played the piano at the church where I was the Asso. Pastor. She played the organ at Victory for a number of years. Even when Charity and I moved to Kansas she was still working full time. And I was rather satisfied she was doing very well.
a while Mom and I lived in the same area. For a while she played the piano for us at the church I pastored for three years. Then she played the piano at the church where I was the Asso. Pastor. She played the organ at Victory for a number of years. Even when Charity and I moved to Kansas she was still working full time. And I was rather satisfied she was doing very well.
On trips back from Kansas to Ohio over the next sixteen years, at least once a year, we would visit her along with Charity's family for about a week. So for a week a year we usually had time with our parents.
In my mind I was happy that we could see our parents once a year. Charity's parents would come to see us in Kansas. Mom was working full time and couldn't come as often as she would have liked I am sure. She also had to visit Don and Ellen.
I read in an article this week, that kids should sit down together and work out a plan for our parents when they come to the point they can't take care of themselves. This should happen before our parents get in that condition.
Becoming 'parent of your parent' an emotionally wrenching process
This article http://www.usatoday.com/money/perfi/eldercare/2007-06-24-elder-care-cover_N.htm tells what AARP has found out about caregivers. AARP estimates that unpaid caregivers who contribute financially spend an average of $2,400 a year on care.
Adult Children, Aging Parents and the Law
This article http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/11/20/unenforced-filial-responsibility-laws/ is good too about the law and taking care of your parents.
"Thanks to the marvels of medical science, our parents are living longer than ever before. Adults over age 80 are the fastest growing segment of the population, and most will spend years dependent on others for the most basic needs. That burden falls to their baby boomer children, 77 million strong, who are flummoxed by the technicalities of eldercare, turned upside down by the changed architecture of their families, struggling to balance work and caregiving, and depleting their own retirement savings in the process."
Like I said, I had never done any research on the subject, even though I had worked in a nursing home for almost 16 years.
Maybe if I had this article fifteen years ago http://planit.cuna.org/013178/article.php?doc_id=852 I would have had a different perspective on the subject. But really I was clueless on the subject. I saw Charity's parents as well and able to take care of themselves. I saw Mom doing well, and able to take care of her independent self. She is still rather independent in wanting to take care of her self at 85 years old. So is Charity's dad, very independent and doing well at 77 years old. They had all worked very hard and had a good retirement plan.
Is it the responsibility of children to care for their elderly parents?
http://www.helium.com/debates/137346-is-it-the-responsibility-of-children-to-care-for-their-elderly-parents
And this I will close but certainly a lot more could be said. Maybe later.
And this I will close but certainly a lot more could be said. Maybe later.
